The Art of Listening

Here are five ways to be a better listener. The best time to practice is when you are not upset. Know that at certain times you might feel like a poor listener due to feeling upset or triggered. Building awareness, in the here and now, during social interactions is integral to deciding how you want to react in the future. When you experience a stress-inducing interaction, with awareness, you’ll be able to better choose listening or speaking with thoughtfulness. 

Practice 

Be conscience of when you speak and when you don’t. If you tend to dominate and hold court in a conversation, think of listening as a significant part of the conversation. Musicians use rest and silence as instruments.  Listen to the cadence and rhythm of the speaker and the words they choose.  How fast they are speaking?  

Wait until they finish

How do you feel about silence? If you have a tendency to interrupt, let silence enter the conversation like another friend in the room. Silence may help to open things up!

Reflect back

Make an effort to let someone know you heard them and that you understand the heart of what they are attempting to convey. Don’t always feel it’s necessary to find parity and relate your own experience.

Cultivate Curiosity

When they’ve finished speaking, find something about what the speaker said that naturally sparked your curiosity. Ask a question to show that you are engaged and participating.

Try to understand the speaker’s underlying needs

Much of what people say comes from a desire to express underlying needs.  If we work towards understanding these, we may feel less reactionary if strong emotions are expressed.